Dear Celibel,

I liked how you connected the experiences of the characters in the book with your experiences. It shows that you really connected with the book and characters. One of the first things I noticed is that your title isn’t clear (“New of Doing Thinking”). When doing the full source introduction don’t forget that you have to include the author’s name. I think that after you state that Sharon Draper helped the authors you should say why she did so. The line after that you say “Both Dr.Davis and Dr.Hunt grew up to be an emergency physician in their life,”. Because you are talking about two people you should get rid of the “an” and an “s” at the end of “physician”. I also think that you should get rid of “in their life”. You start of the next paragraph with the sentence “When attending my last year in primary school, I did not have a clue of how life really was”. I think that instead of saying “of ” you should replace it with “as to”. You should also maybe explain how you did view life. Later on you talk about the characters overcoming how they were treated on the streets. I think that for the reader to get a better idea of what you are talking about, you should mention how the characters were treated. You then mention the book again but not the author. I think the line “In the book it was separated into sections that changed into the boy’s perspective with a two to three guidance of how life is” could be a little clearer. Don’t forget that you don’t need to say “the non fictional biography” because it’s already implied that a biography is non-fiction. There were some other sentences that I had to re-read because they didn’t make sense to me. The first one was “I was able to take how these boys lived their life and took on their opportunities”. The last one was “ Dr.Sampson, Jenkins, and Hunt all took their opportunities of what they hav a school together to get what they want to be at life”. I think you should revise the paper and fix some phrasing and grammar mistakes. I like how you ended the paper by restating how much the book influenced you. I can’t wait to see how it all comes out.

                                                                                    Sincerely,

                                                                                                             Mabel Sosa